Good Idea , Bad Idea

Good Idea: Jumping Rope to keep fit

Bad Idea: Jumping rope to keep fit while singing "My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard" and grabbing your chest ...Neighbors stare from their backyard

Dear Reckless Drivers

Hello Reckless Drivers of Trinidad,

You guys and gals are really assholes, swerving in and out of lanes, speeding through red lights, switching lanes without indicators, randomly stopping  ...I can go on and on. Have you ever stopped to wonder what about the other cautious drivers on the road ( like me) ?

The sad thing is ,when you cross the median and crash into a family coming home from a beach lime killing everyone in that vehicle while you and your passenger escape with minor injuries no one gets charged.

So a big fuck you- to you, be more considerate...you are not going to be late twice, and I'm sure the place you are going to isn't running away . Luckily I believe in Karma so i know you will get yours

Thank you, have a great day and remember always buckle up.

Grateful that god didn't endow me with mutant powers to blow up cars,

The Blue Wolf

The Memories

The memories that are intertwined with songs sometimes comes to bite me in the butt , and not in a good way. This morning i put my ipod on shuffle and proceeded to eat my breakfasses.Then this song came up:

Anna Nalick: Forever Love (digame)

On the ground
With my world
Upside down
I got a vision of your face
And I must get me out
For so many memories we've yet to make
God don't send to me your angels
I just wanna hear you say again

Forever love
Say you'll love
Digame, Digame
Tell me so
I can hold you in my soul
If I go
I'll know

When you smile
With those eyes
Baby it's like
You place a finger on my heart
And your lips next to mine
Makes me think that maybe heavens where you are
God don't send to me your angels
I just wanna hear you say again

Forever love
Say you'll love
Digame, Digame
Tell me so
I can hold you in my soul
And if I go
I'll know

La la la la...

Forever love
Say you'll love
Digame, Digame
Tell me so
I can hold you in my soul
And If I go
I'll know
Forever love
Say you'll love
Digame, Digame
Tell me so
I can hold you in my soul
And if I go
I'll know

It was our song (my Ex and I) Holds good memories and bad ones.

Maybe in my next post i'll talk about him :(

The Universe Answers!!

I'm sitting here typing how horny i am when i get a BBM message from my BF telling me, I'm all his later :)...This was followed by some really raunchy talk that i had to end cause believe me i would have creamed my work pants.

We have been together for awhile now but he still knows how to turn up the fire , and well he gets hard every time he sits next to me...so i guess i'm still working his "On switch "...maybe it my pheromones :/

Whatever the reason is when we get together its fireworks :)

BTW did this blog just move from "PG-13" to "XXX" with my last post lol

O Dammmm

Cause im Horny , these are supposedly Reichen Lehmkuhl ...yum!!

TMI?

I haven't had sex for a week, i think i am going to flip out. My Bf and i usually get it on everyday :p but  for the past week he's been working late and the 5 mins we get to hang out together , we are both just too tired --i've been putting in a couple extra hours myself.

I seriously cannot function, everything reminds me of sex, it's like im sporting a boner since morning. I'm literally stuck behind my desk cause if i stand up ....boing!! its all up in ppl space...lol..

I'm hoping as its Friday I'll be able to get some later. in the meantime, I'm trying not to touch myself or think about sex.

Dear Co-Worker

Dear Co Worker,

Yesterday i gave you an envelope to take to the post office, "get me the cost to ship to the UK via express mail please" You did , came back, told me its $130.00. Kool. This morning i give you $200.00, the same said envelope and told you to send this off. You go to the post office and mail it out via Normal Mail which costs $50.00.....Do i need to write, spell,and read for you people???!!!

Thank you for fucking up the customer's order. You are older than I, you've regularly boasted about the 18 places you've  worked before in your lifetime and yet the words- common and sense- doesn't come together in your vocabulary. I am not your superior nor you mines, yet in the play "life at work" you act like everyone's boss.

Whats done is done and I'm pretty pissed, its a miracle i didn't explode into a huge pile of glitter when you handed me back $150.00 and said i gave you too much. Ha ha ha ha..fuck you...

Always respectful at work

The Blue Wolf

175

After much searching yesterday afternoon, I found the movie - Paragraph 175- I can truthfully say that this documentary touched me. The horror these men suffered is unimaginable , during the course of the interviews I kept placing myself in the same situation...What would i have done?...Would by a combination of bravery, a strong will and luck would i have survived, would i have been able to go on living after seeing my BF being eaten alive by dogs? Would the images, smells, sounds drive me quietly insane?

I am truly grateful for the era in which i live...compared to back then this hide and seek  i play is pretty much paradise . And unbelievably up to this day Homosexuals that survived the Holocaust are  still not recognized by the German Gov't. :(

The Spirit of these brave men and woman at the end of the film is what really tugged at my heart strings. I'm happy i discovered this movie....

Thank you Letters

So to flip the coin to my angry letters, I'm going to start writing positive thank you letters...so i may remember the people who are kind to me. Of course i will let them know to their faces -if i can, how much i am grateful for their action, words, deeds etc, this is just a way to remember the story behind it. :)

Paragraph 175

Paragraph 175
I want to see this movie and will spend the greater part of this week trying to locate online. Why? Cause i want to appreciate the era i live in, I want to know what it was like, i want to appreciate where the gay community has reached and i want to look forward to the future.

Rape Dream

Last night i witnessed a scene in my head, i was floating above it in a dimly lit room, the only light coming from a single yellow light bulb shining down on my seemingly unconscious body.Around me huge muscular men were taking their turns doing me, their faces hidden in the dark. I was scared and repulsed...was i dead?

The scene shifts , I'm now sitting in the living room, my dad clearly angry he pops a DVD into the player , on the TV the previous scene comes up. I thought he would kill me instead , he vowed to find the people so that they wouldn't do it to anyone else

The scene shifts once again, I'm walking towards my room upon entering i notice the same men sitting on my bed, they hold me down, i scream out...i yell at them that the police are on their way. The biggest guy drags me by the collar he sniffs at my neck like an animal, he whispers that I'll have to get them all out of here or else he will kill my entire family. I quickly agree. I'm scared. He pushes me out my room and has one of his pals follow me.

I walk outside, enemy behind  , there's a party going on, my friends are there, my family, i lead him through rows and rows of chairs, i see my cousin ...i make small talk with him- my eyes pleading -when i realize he's not taking the hint, i ask him if he's looking for this broom handle ( one is leaning on the wall) he looks at me puzzled, i quickly whisper that the guy behind me is trying to kill me. He snaps the broom handle in 2 and shoves the sharp part into the guys stomach, blood flows everywhere , the guy slumps down. My brother and sisters approach asking whats the matter, i fill them in. They told me go back to my room and bring out another.

I do as i am told, this time the biggest guy sends out 2 people with me. I walk quickly ahead then I spin around, pushing one of the guys into my brother who easily snaps his neck, in the mean time my sisters were gouging out the eyes of the other guy, who was screaming relentlessly, until my brother also breaks his neck

We all walk back to my room, my cousin kicks in the door, the biggest guy and another guy are sitting on the bed waiting for me, the smaller guy attacks my sister, everyone jumps on him, my eyes catches the boss- he laughs , my brother jumps on him, the guy is huge , he punches my brother in the face, my brother bites off his ear...entirely...then i hear drums...my brother is no longer there ...instead i see one of my Hindu gods...Kali Ma...she rips off the guys head...the scene shifts...I'm in a field...before me Kali Ma is dancing the guys head clasped in her hand, his spine swinging freely about...I awake with a startle...Scared and Happy at the same time.

In this dream I'm literally saved by my family, and in the end god...It pretty much sums up my life.

Read before Entering

I added a warning to my Blog cause some of its content maybe inappropriate for young readers and perhaps i may want to post a pic of a sexy guy now and then :P

Creatures

The Witch-king of Angmar is one of my favorite characters in LOTR, why? Simply because he is so evil and powerful. I'm drawn to the dark side, i often find myself rooting for the bad guys wondering what the out come would be if they did prevail. He scares me also, that Nazgul hes perched upon haunted my dreams once or twice, its just so freaking awesome/ ferocious.

I often imagine people i don't care for as creatures, my CEO is an Ogre. You may be thinking gosh this dude really holds a lot of dislike for people....its true..i don't like a lot of people. For whatever reason my like for the human race on the whole is minimal. You may label me anti social, pompous, quiet, unable to start/hold a conversation , but if your "vibes" isn't pleasing to me I wouldn't make an effort to even try to fake like you :/

Maybe i should try and change this trait about me. Be more social instead of socially awkward.On the flip side if i do like you, I'm your best buddy :P

I have a confession to post in my next blogging moment :/

Dear Manager

Dear Manager,

I do not like you, in fact i may be very close to shouting I HATE YOU. You came into this company 2 years after i started, taking up the managers position because your dad who is the CEO was "retiring" from one company to take up a position in another. You had no managerial experience, your last job was a some sort of administrative position in BP. Now don't get me wrong cause I believe that everyone should be given a chance, its been 3 years since and nothing has changed.

You're idea of managing is strutting in 2 times per week, with your horrid fashion sense from 10-2 barking orders at staff, grumbling like an active volcano at reports you have to submit to our UK office, while shouting Bullocks all the time...I mean seriously you are a Trini :/ and being very angry for no apparent reason. This has de motivated staff , some are very scared of you, while some of us wants to push your flat ass down the stairs. Maybe this was your goal, but being scared doesn't equal respect. I have no respect for you what so ever because you are bitter, childish, never heard of hair product, or earrings and lack any sort of professionalism when it comes to one your most valuable resource - Your Staff

i don't know if you have problems at home or what, but that is no excuse to come in here with that dutty attitude and jeans. I remember our last Xmas dinner when i brought my sexily clad friend to accompany me , you blatantly asked me in front of everyone " Is this your sister , so glad she can join us" to which my friend said " umm no I'm his GF and planted a kiss on me" it was good to see the look on your face, and even better to see your husband literally drooling over my gal pal. You sat right next to me and i didn't say a single word to you. I loved it.

I hate the way you dress, I hate the way you talk down to people and i absolutely hate your attitude towards me. I hate that you pass off your work to me and then take all the credit. I hate that you get jealous when our UK superiors praise me for a job well done and my dapper wardrobe. I hate that your father also exhibits this behavior, but guess what I work fucking hard for this company and I deserve it.

I hope that in time you realize that your attitude stinks, and your "I'm better than everyone" tone of voice will give you many enemies . I hope that karma comes back and bites you in the ass in a big way.

In conclusion I'd like to say a big "FUCK YOU!!" I love my job , I get along with my co workers and we all HATE the living daylights out of you. I'm happy you only come in Twice a week cause all 5 days will drive me insane.

Respectfully hoping that you jump off a cliff

The Blue Wolf

*End of Rant*

So many things

I have so many things i wanna write, so many thoughts to get out of my head but time seems never to permit me to sit and express myself . I wanna start something new called "Angry letters from a Blue Wolf"

Its suppose to be therapeutic to express one's anger, and believe me i have a lot to go around. maybe this will help, maybe it wont but I'm sort of looking forward to writing angry letters instead of mumbling under my breath and clenching my fists.

This may be fun

Japan

My heart goes out to Japan, it seems like they are raking in bad karma or something, its one disaster after the other . I can't begin to imagine how i would cope with something like that, or worse to have survived while most of my family members didn't :(. The Japanese people though are very calm and orderly which i admire so much. My thoughts, good wishes and prayers are with you, may you as a country recover and as a people progress past this disaster and look towards a brighter day.

Be A Good Person , Be a good person

Something weird is happening to me right now, not physically but events-wise...okay let me get down to the meat of it ...suddenly everyone wants to have sex with me...:/ No lie! As you may have gathered from this blog, when i look at myself in the mirror I see something that Animal Planet should have a documentary on....but i've been getting weird offers from "friends" to well basically meet for a suck and fuck...all these people know im involved...there's that no respect for relationships thing again.

I'm no saint, but i will seriously be filled with guilt if i do take up any one of these offers, although a small part of me wants to but i must be strong and not give into temptation.

What was my point? *head slap* i always seem to lose the point of my posts...o yea..feels awesome to be wanted like this, but did i just wake in an alternative timeline where morals have all disappeared along with STDs? Why is lust so difficult to control? I myself have struggled with controlling this wild horse called lust, and yes a couple times it got the better of me, but I'm trying sooo hard to be a good person.

P!nk - F**kin' Perfect Made me cry and feel wonderful at the same time

School is Scary

I am very awkward socially, i don't speak unless spoken to, i don't ever make eye contact with anyone and the only words i ever speak during class is " Good Morning" when i enter the room. Sheeessshh you would think at this age i would be a little more of a social butterfly...scratch that....a social caterpillar? but alas I'm still a clam in its shell. We were split up into groups , well everyone except me ..I was alone... I was my own group...very embarrassing...not that i made any sort of effort to be in a group, i just sat there like dead carcass.

Eventually the teacher gave me a handout, which led me to believe I'm a group LOL. I did group work by myself and submitted -myself- now I'm sure everyone in that class has labelled me as anti social.Which is partially true, but still I'd like to make a couple friends. Maybe as time progresses...maybe..

BTW..studying not going so well, nothing seems to stick and everything is distracting me. I need to pass this to prove to myself that i can be better, better than what people perceive me to be ( story coming soon) That's all for now and yes I'm on my laptop...see I'm blogging more :P

Been so long

School has started , yup I'm back at school after a 2 year break *proud face* Its difficult, I can't seem to get back into the groove of studying, I guess with time, patience and perseverance , it will come. I just wanted to come here so people will know I'm alive. My bf bought me a laptop so maybe ill blog more, since I'm now "mobile" ...we will see ...

Heartache

The heart yearns...if i had for a single moment doubted that I loved my bf , i will have to stand corrected. We had a disagreement yesterday, he said some stuff and I said some stuff. From lunch time then ( yesterday) till now we have not spoken to each other . I miss him.I can't stop thinking about him. It feels like its been over a year since i last saw him. I called but no answer :( I dunno how I'll make it through the night, all this plus I'm so hungry cause i left my lunch home- double :( -- I hope he calls soon.

Wondering Wolf

I often wonder if i were straight would be married by now? I'm 27, all my kin younger and older are married...they stare at me when the topic of marriage comes along, my mother rants she wants more grand kids and then looks at me , I simply walk away.

Yesterday on my bed with the BF I wondered if i could marry him would I?....Would I have gotten engaged to my ex? Would my ex and I still be together.....sigh so many unanswered questions , at the end of it all , I'm still in hiding and I know i wont have the wedding I always wanted---A big Hindu one---

Happy New Queer

Happy 2011 to everyone out there may the divine keep you and yours safe, blessed and always happy. Though obstacles may cross you path this year, jump right over them and keep moving on, I'm re opening this blog to help with my emotional baggage :/... Peace and Blessings :)