175

After much searching yesterday afternoon, I found the movie - Paragraph 175- I can truthfully say that this documentary touched me. The horror these men suffered is unimaginable , during the course of the interviews I kept placing myself in the same situation...What would i have done?...Would by a combination of bravery, a strong will and luck would i have survived, would i have been able to go on living after seeing my BF being eaten alive by dogs? Would the images, smells, sounds drive me quietly insane?

I am truly grateful for the era in which i live...compared to back then this hide and seek  i play is pretty much paradise . And unbelievably up to this day Homosexuals that survived the Holocaust are  still not recognized by the German Gov't. :(

The Spirit of these brave men and woman at the end of the film is what really tugged at my heart strings. I'm happy i discovered this movie....

Thank you Letters

So to flip the coin to my angry letters, I'm going to start writing positive thank you letters...so i may remember the people who are kind to me. Of course i will let them know to their faces -if i can, how much i am grateful for their action, words, deeds etc, this is just a way to remember the story behind it. :)

Ms Universe

BWDMC wrong with them judges La Toya is a bess darkie and not even in the top 15? Brrrrr? None the less my sister did us proud and we will welcome her home with open arms and smiling faces. Not a single brown skin girl in the top 15, i know that will cause alot of talking in the days to come, I however think if you got the brains and the beauty it doesn't matter the color of your skin. Good luck to the new Ms Universe 2010, as for us here in Trinidad we are super proud, we had not one but 2 of our lovely ladies appear on international Tv tonite. Wendy Fitzwillam and La Toya Woods....I mean which other country can say that eh :)

*drools*

Pride

I attended a Pride party last weekend , it was hott...Literally...the air conditioning broke down...lol.. none the less everyone had a blast. It was wonderful being there experiencing the energy. Everything was positive, full of excitement, full of joy.....Full of pride.

It filled me so much happiness that i was able to be myself there among everyone, dance with my bf...dance with friends...just to be free...and then i began to wonder...why do we need these underground parties in order for us to feel comfortable in our own skins, to be free to express friendship and love....its so unfair that we are made to live like this just because we are born gay.

I didn't let this thought hamper my partying, i relished every song, every beat , every touch, every kiss on the cheek like i would never experience being this free again.At the end of it all i had a blast and made loads of friends. There is another party coming up in October I'm thinking of going that one also...I'm sort of excited ..:)

Hello Vast Internet

How long has it been? I've lost track of time, I'm unsure whether anyone reads my blog but none the less i write for -me -to unleash my emotions upon the pages of this blog. I've got some good news....I'm going to bitch less about the trauma of the past, in these months gone by I've talked to god and in his way he answered me ...and i think I'm finally as healed as i can be.

Of course there is going to be the odd nightmare or flashback I'm expecting it but honestly I'm not going to let it stop me from living my life.I feel so free like the heavy shackles of the past that have enslaved me for so long have finally been broken, and I'm now free to move forward. You all can't believe how light i feel....its so magical :)

I'll try to update as much as possible from now on.

Carnival

Carnival in Trinidad is huge, we dubbed it the greatest show on earth but sadly i'm a Trini thats just not into Carnival. I see it as a readily used excuse for people to get drunk, act more stupid and do things they regret later on in life. I do however rather enjoy the sights ...well defined men stuffed in to colored shorty shorts , bulges very clearly visible , kinda gets me excited lol. I've also noticed that men would grind on other men and pass off the action as intoxication. Can you imagine 2 large as we would say "hard back" men in gold shorty shorts gyrating on each other and the people around them pay no mind cause both of them are clearly intoxicated. No one thinks that's so gay, everyone is just enjoying themselves. When will that be a regular train of thought in Trinidad? Besides the men, the only other great thing about Carnival are the huge costumes, i genuinely love the colors ( and not for the obvious reason) it just makes me wonder how much time , effort and thought it must have taken to construct such a spectacle. Everyone had such a good time especially the foreigners, the whole vibes is a positive one and everyone is moving in unity...i guess it really is the greatest show on earth, the hott guys are just a plus+++ :P

I'm there

I'm proud to be gay *gasp* i never in my entire life thought i would have reached a point where i would be proud to be gay, but here i am smiling ear to ear cause i just admitted to one of my str8 guy friend i'm well... as i put it "on guys" cause I've been getting pressured about Valentines day and a double date dinner, can u imgine his reaction if i showed up with my bf ....lol.. so i just told him, his reaction " thats nothing to be ashamed about" its 2010 ppl are alot more accepting ....maybe so? I dunno alot of ppl are still in the dark ages on my side of the world but i'm glad he knows and is ok with it....i feel like throwing a parade .....

Inside my Room

When i'm alone with him, in my bed lying next to each other face to face our noses barely touching , breath being exchanged from his lungs to mines , mines to his, our fingers intertwined, being lost in his eyes, the sweet words we share, the dreams we confess, our voices barely above a whisper ....the perfect kisses, the short ones, the long ones, the cheek ones, the hand ones, the forehead ones....i close my eyes and think ----i have the perfect life inside my room.

Gaga for GaGa

I love lady GaGa soo much, i get an orgasm everytime i hear her songs.... Every gay person i know loves her music, her style, her in your face attitude...she's the Cher of my generation :)...

Happy New year

Happy New Year!! Been so long since i put "pen to paper" here, i was thinking of deleting it, but I've poured out too much of my soul here to erase it all. Life had become a mish mash of different events and circumstances...good ones, bad ones, ones that make me feel unworthy , one that made me feel on top of the world....but i guess that's life, take the good, deal with the bad and love everything. Lets hope this year is an awesome one for everyone of us, may we be safe....

OMG Word

I dunno how i came across this word: Fagoting

It means: A method of decorating cloth by pulling out horizontal threads and tying the remaining vertical threads into hourglass-shaped bunches.

I thought it meant: Going to a party and acting slutty, hitting on all the guys regardless if they are gay or not .

I can use it in a sentence: Gosh would you stop fagoting all the guys here we will get put out.

I was wrong..

Gays:1 Str8ies: A big fat zero

Once again the "faggit" discussion came up in the office. Fags- this, bullerman- that, o I'm a str8 guy and all the gays want me....then all of a sudden boom! the kitchen door literally slams open, the mother of the office ( our much older, but extremely hyper administrator) bursts thorough the door. Scene one

Admin: Wah allyuh talking about and laughing like a bunch of skets here?
Guys: Nothing
Admin: So allyuh mad or something?
Guys: Nah we just saying how them bullerman getting brave these days, they all over the place
Admin: And whats the problem with that? Ent they are people too?
Guys: Me aint want that chupidness coming round me
Admin: And who say anyone of them will come around you ( some of the guys burst out in laughter including me )
Guys: Stupes, them going to hell yes
Admin: eh eh eh wah you saying there? Let me tell you something,Gay people is the best kind of people. I had a gay boss and that man was the most beautiful person i ever meet in my life. And yuh see how old i am ( shes 64) That man woulda give he life for you or the last dollar from his pocket, everybody who meet him love him. So don't be disrespecting gay people, its not their fault they are like that. They are people to.
Guys: Yea but doh come around me with that dotishness
Admin: Boy i am telling you no one will come around you, but i have to say eh, some of them really ridiculous with the bacchanal behaviour in POS, but don't kill all for some. They are people too.
Guys: Screwing up their face
Admin: And doh let meh come down here and hear allyuh bad talking meh people again eh ( she then leaves the room)
Guys: Wah really wrong with she eh, they then start to talk about Jack Warner.

She said everything i was too scared to say, and put all them assholes in their place. HAHAHA. Score one * does awkward dance*

Fuck U

I jus came across this, it makes me feel good about myself