Disappointment

I find myself more and more accepting that Love doesnt exist for me, and by love i mean romantic love...not family love cause i get lots of that home. But im lonely....so very lonely...everyone i encounter is so shallow...so to the point...wanna hook up? How big is your cock? Top or bottom? ....where are the long term relationship seeking gays in Trinidad?!! Am i the only who wants to be romanced, to be romantic...to work towards a life together instead of a slam bam or worse the I love you but im still going to get married to a chick and have kids cause that is what is expected of me....we can still be friends after aka fuckbuddies....I hate this world and i really hate being gay....I thought i was okay with it but time is floating away and ill end up old and fucking alone cause all these pricks out here are too coward to love ...

Depression

Ive been fighting a battle with depression over the past couple months, it comes and goes and leaves me with the most empty feeling ive ever had. I think about many things, many of my short comings...education, looks, personality, talent ...the list goes on and on....i find myself sitting in the dark....just sitting doing nothing, not even staring into the darkness, just sitting there nothing on my mind, no thoughts floating about ...just there....its a sad state even for me but its like i don't even have the zeal to snap myself out of it. I sometimes think im such a lazy bitch for not even having the will power to get myself up and walk around, maybe it will help, maybe it wont , at least i wont be there sitting in the dark...being nothing...feeling like nothing....Im rambling on and on aren't i ? I dont even know why im blogging about this, not like anyone reads the crap i put here, on some level im hoping getting some of this off my chest will help me.