And the fabric unravels ....

Its been 3 years since i accepted that i was indeed gay, I fought it for as long as i could but u can't fight nature no matter how hard you try, and i have tried hard. I wanted a family, i still do actually...i wanted a big Hindu wedding with lots of dancing, tassa, friends, family, food...i cant have that now, in fact i don't think i will be able to get married at all.It hurts, i curse god sometimes i didn't ask to be born this way, i didn't have a choice in the matter....or did i? The beginning is so hard to write about, it means i will have to go within myself, find the lost forgotten memories, relive the pain, relive the shame , walk down the broken path....i must...I've made this decision to....too many nights, memories haunt me, to many times i find myself beating the positivity out of me....i am my own worse enemy, I'm doing this because i want to become my friend...i want to look at myself in the mirror and say.....its ok, i love me.....finding the words or where to start is a challenge but start i must and start i will .....I'm a gay Trinidadian of east Indian descent , I'll be 25 this year but i think like a 12 year old in fact many times you'll probably find me playing catch or some other game with my little brother....i come from a medium size family 8 of us in all ,2 brothers and 3 sisters, both my parents. Typical Hindu home i guess, but what is really typical?, I personally am not abundantly religious but i do pray and i do believe in god.I currently have a wonderful boyfriend, the second gay relationship i've had...I'm a happy person most of the times....scratch that....these days most of the times i am a depressed person...well here goes the story is about to unfold *takes deep breath*