The good, the bad and the ugly

Kathy-Ann and I have been friends for well over 5 years.Ours is a complicated relationship.I can recall the first time i encounter KA ,my friends and I planned a movie lime, four of us in total.Now these were the days before CC8 and Movie Towne, I'm talking the Magnificent 7 (remember them?) It was strangely suspicious that my friend Shannel bought like 8 tickets, while everyone else were buying the usual one ...we were informed that her cousins would be joining us, a whole heap of them. Not a problem for us- of course the more the merrier. That was the first time i met KA, a goth chick like myself ( being goth was the rage back then) she sat four seats away, constantly glimpsing in my direction. I however was more interested in Shannel's cousin Shannon ( this will be elaborated in another post) , but KA kept throwing popcorn my way, making small talk...she even switched seats-- now she was 2 seats away. I was oblivious to the way girls flirt, i still am actually.Kern my guy friend opposite me, smirked "wat boy that girl have it bad for you" to which i whispered under my breath" ummm no Shannon is my thing"...I reached for some candy- M&M's a big pack, the almond kind- the ones i Love, being the gentleman i try to be, i offered to everyone, when i came to KA, she said " Yea I'll take one please" I passed the bag to her, that was the last I ever saw of my precious M&M's she kept the entire thing, smiled coyly saying"if i wanted it i would have to come get it". Needless o say, i did want it but i didn't go get it, i was too busy sitting next to Shannon. From then i swore to everyone, KA was my mortal enemy. Of course i was kidding,however i avoided her cause she scared me, she was the in your face type, the complete opposite of your truly who is the shy secluded one.

Couple weeks later Shannel had her going away party, she was headed to the US to study, all my friends were there, Kern picked me up...we discussed who would be there and who we didn't want to run into, "the crazy chick is going to be there" he laughed , with a twisted look on my face" who?" KA....it didn't cross my mind that because she was Shannel's cousin she would be there and she was...goth dressed, like myself, spikes, chains the whole works. She came over said hello and handed me a black bag. In the bag there were like 10 packs of M&M's , she said sorry for stealing my candy..i said it was no biggie, -- ever since that day she was called M&Ms by everyone , and was pretty embarrassed at her behavior, i said" no biggie-- it really wasn't--, and i was far from angry, its all in good fun:...You really weren't angry she said, of course not, ok good, so you gonna give back the m&M's? Hell no! was my reply...I ate it all that night...

KA and hung out for most of the night, because my date Shannon was busy being the hostess. We talked, danced got to really know each other. She was a really kool girl. At the end of the night we exchanged numbers. well not exchange. Kern and i was headed off, when she burst throw the crowd of limers outside, came up to me, planted one on my lips and slipped me her number. I was dumbfounded, all i heard was hooting and hollering , I sat in Kern's car and got the biggest pat on my back ever. At this stage in my life i was fighting my homosexual feelings so hard, at the party, i was checking out -as much as i tried not to- , the guys there.Some of them were pretty hott. Few days later i got a message on my phone asking me why i hadn't called her, it was from Kern, he had gotten the msg from Niki, who had gotten it from Shannel, who got it from her sister Marissa. Our own little Bmobile network. At the end of that day, i called her.

Nervous, unsure, i wanted to throw up...I didn't know what to say or do, all i knew is that this is what was expected of me. We hit it off that night, speaking of everything from school, to cartoons, music, family....as time progressed KA and i became really close friends. She confessed her huge crush on me, and asked how i felt. This happened like months after. I told her that i liked her also, and i did...but obviously not in the way she wanted me to. We decided to go on a date. This after a scenario with Shannon played off. When my post about Shannon happens, it will all make sense. By this time, my inkling towards the same sex had grown, KA and i met, we had our date, we also had no sexual chemistry whatsoever, -what do u expected form a guy questioning his sexuality-. She was devastated, and kept asking me why I was scared to hold her hand, why was i acting like i now meet her, and not like "a boyfriend" My reply was simply nerves.Upset, she did the most childish thing - hooked up with another guy, after i refused to kiss her at the pool hall. I wasn't hurt, just embarrassed. She wanted to have a make up date, but i refused.We stopped speaking for about 2 months.

That guy she hooked up with on our first "date' later went on to become her steady boyfriend, i was happy for her, i still am. In the days i didn't hear from KA she crossed my mind several times, mostly when i was sitting alone sulking, thinking, i had the chance to have a gf and i blew it.I thought i would never hear from her again, but 2 months later in the middle of the night i got a call from her, don't know what prompted it but it happened. She asked for forgiveness, for being so disrespectful to me on our "date" I did make it clear that i was embarrassed, and felt hurt after. We patched thing up that night, and agreed that the best thing for us both were to be friends. From that day onwards KA and I were the best of friends, We have seen each other through up and downs, family matters, work matters, infidelity, trauma...I've always tried my best to be there for her in anyway i could. We laugh, we cried, we had our small fights, but at the end of it all we were good as gold.

When i came to the realization that i was indeed gay, the courage to tell her didn't come. Not only would it break her heart, i was scared that she would leave me....that Will would lose his Grace. So i didn't, the subject of having a gf always came up, and my answer would almost always be, haven't found someone with the right chemistry yet... we both could relate to that, so she accepted that answer. Its was not until the whole drama with BF numero uno (which will also be in another post) He told her point blank that i was gay, that he had proof ..she asked one, twice, three times at different intervals, i denied it all, until one day i finally caved, i was emotionally drained....i didn't care what her reaction would be, luckily it was a good one...she was glad i found love ( my current bf) i was her official gay best friend she chimed...then proceeded to fantasize about the things we would be doing together...shopping being on the top of the list...-i was not having any of that-, I'm not going to be stereotyped i said...relax, I'm kidding is what she replied.But we are so going to check out guys together

After the whole coming out to her -not by choice-, we became even closer. She pretended to be my gf, at my office Christmas party, we were the hottest couple there...everyone in my office especially the big "players" had their jaw on the floor. Did I mention that KA is very sexy....she's a beauty.We planned to look extra sexy that night, picked out a hot short dress for her, i was decked in a blazer with a jeans that hugged all the right places.KA and i was awesome together, we always had fun, always laughing, it was like we were hand and glove. I accompanied her to her Xmas bash, cause her bf couldn't make it...at the time she was going through some fidelity issues. Where i was deemed as the wrong one, cause i always advised her not to cheat, and she would just throw my advice out of the window.

The object of her affection - a co worker, older than her and what i would deem as a player...but KA just couldn't see it no matter how much i pointed it out to her. He had a GF, also her co worker,he told KA this is just a fling and that he intends to marry his GF, yet KA still clung on to him like make up on a drag queen. I tried my utter best, with as much advice as i could give, including telling her in not so nice words that she was an ass, and needed to get a grip -- i had to dish out some tough love, unknowing to me, KA would go back and tell her object what i was advising, so without even meeting him, i was deemed hate worthy. Before the Xmas bash KA and i discussed that we would avoid her object, that tonight was about all the free food at the Hyatt.

It began well enough, i faked my confidence , met and greeted her bosses , friends with smiles. Then object came into the room headed straight to our table and sat down. The night went downhill from there, KA got visibly upset when object was called out by his Gf to join them at their table....I looked at her, saw the hurt in her eyes and said think about ur bf, she said i'm not on that lets get some drinks....I never hung out with KA in a setting like this, it was always lunch, movies, shooting pool, nothing like a club scene. We got drinks, we got drinks, we got drinks, we got drink....lots of drinks....we got hammered, her more than me. At the end of the night, i was in the ladies washroom, holding her hair back while she threw up. It was embarrassing for her and I both...pretty soon her co workers came to her rescue..and i was pushed aside. I was no way close to being as drunk as she was, since i drink sensibly, drink-water-drink-water, thats how it was for me, i tried to form that pattern with her, but KA was having none of it, she was drink-drink-harder drink. Me not knowing her limit didn't say that enough until she threw up. I got her water, club soda...all of which her friends brushed aside and said she needed to rest. Word got around, and object was soon outside the washroom alongside me waiting for her to come out.He stood there, and the conversation went

Him: i don't like you and you don't like me
Me: I don't know you to make that decision
Him: well i heard
Me: or ok
Him: silence....
Me: texting my bf
Him: she should have never gotten to this point
Me: looking up
Him: she came here with you, you are responsible for her, how could you let her get this drunk
Me:KA is a big woman you know
him: that no excuse
Me: thinking..he's right
Him:when she comes out here i will take her home
Me: she came with me so I'll take her
Him: silence
Me:checking my phone, the bf says when i ready he is outside* he's been there for 2 hours now

KA come out of the washroom, her entourage ( some of them just as drunk as her) trailing behind. She looks at me and then at object and rushes into objects arms, i pull her aside and asked what are you doing? she says i want object, only object can get me sober, to which i reply OMG are you serious, she brushes me aside and goes to him...object is leaning on the wall with the biggest grin on his face. I go up to him, and say make sure she gets home safe, i look at her " text me wen you get home" I leave, meet my bf downstairs, and rant about it-- before i go thou i take a couple shots of something clear. so by the time i reach down stairs I'm a bumbling fool. I was so angry. The next day i don't hear from her, i am worried ...i call her she is ok....thank fully....but somehow, i am being blamed whole fully for her drunkenness. We had a big argument.I was deeply offended, how could she place all the blame on me, i admit that i could have said stopped her with the drinking, but i didn't know her tolerance level...my judgment could have been better.

The days to follow wasn't good ...her bf blamed me, object said i got her drunk purposefully to take advantage of her, her co workers all assumed the same thing. She didn't even defend me, when i asked her why didn't she, she said the only thing comes to her mind was that I'm gay , so that wasn't the case, but she didn't want to sell out my secret.I took the blame, i didn't care- i don't know and dont care to know any of them-. The straw that broke the camel's back, however was the fact that her bf was placing blame squarely on me for her poor conduct. At that point, i was so pissed i didn't care for KA to be my friend anymore, we stopped speaking for about 2 months again . She called me once again,apologized that she didn't take some of the blame, we decided to just forget the whole incident happened. Our relationship was never the same again, some how it felt like her attitude towards me had changed, and not in a good way. Still i tried to be there for her whenever i could, but Sunday past...something occurred that makes me want nothing to do with her again....