Brandi Carlile

I am currently obsessed with this album, her voice is so , how shall i put it...its like cold raindrops hitting your skin every note makes me tingle all over. I especially love the song "Shadow on the wall", when the whole drama with my bf occurred, somehow i found comfort in the lyrics.


Brandi Carlile - Shadow On The Wall

Gone
It's hard for me to see when I'm wrong
It's hard for me to weep when I'm strong
But I could never sleep when you're gone
Oh but still
If you were gonna crucify me
I wouldn't want nobody to see
'Cause you could kick me hard when I'm down
Down, down, down

I don't want wanna be
Nobody's fool
I've played that part so many times before
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I will make no sound at all
And when the sun goes down
The shadow on the wall
It cannot be seen at all
At all

Over it
Hey it's not that you would mess with my head
I believe that you believe what you said
You think you know me best and you care

But that's not fair!
'Cause I don't really want to be safe
It must have been the way I was raised
Sleep with one eye open I say
Hey hey hey

I don't wanna be
Nobody's fool
I've played that part so many times before
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I will make no sound at all
And when the sun goes down
The shadow on the wall
It cannot be seen at all
At all

Oh
How I long to be
A shadow on the wall
I would make no sound at all
At all



I love every song in the album but this one just stands out. I shouldn't dwell on the past but i feel soon i will have to revisit some stuff and open the Blue wolf chronicles once again, i feel a heavy weight on my chest...

Peel away the skin....

Gay life in Trinidad ( my experiences) is very shallow, no one seems to want anything meaningful ...once you cross 25 you are labeled as old and outdated...I'm over 25 but i look like 19...i lie about my age constantly, I'm not ashamed to say that...why do i lie you ask...cause when i blurt out the truth everyone thinks I'm lying and its a battle to prove that i'm not which is usually only resloved by me whipping out my ID card..so when someone asks me :hey how old are you? my reply is : "how old do i look?" any number they call i agree ...19,20,21,22..it doesn't matter no one ever goes above 22..hmmm....where was i going with this? O yea Gays (not all) in Trinidad are way too shallow, only about the hot bodies, and abnormally perfect hair....reminds me of a line from a song by Jewel "every body is a nice body but their souls are like shadows hollow inside" I'm all for the up keep of one self, but i would much rather have an average looking guy with a gentle touch and a caring heart, than a total hottie who has nothing else to offer....too many judgments are cast upon people based solely on looks...This weekend a guy on my msn, a friend of mine.. told me i could do so much better than my current BF, that he is too average...that i need someone as hott as his BF, i just laughed it casually off and changed the subject, i was 2 seconds away from telling him he complains about his Hott Bf more than anything else, but i bit my tongue...i'm trying to be a different person...(not a bitch)

Haiti

My heart goes out to the population of Haiti, but i am angry that Trinidad and Tobago is so slow to react...I keep hearing its the wrath of god...what BS is this? People are out there suffering, take you heads out of your asses, where is the compassion? People are people regardless whether you think they all worship the devil ( which btw i think is a huge pile of crap) ....imagine all the children that died, young lives snuffed out ...my eyes are filled with water....Thankfully organizations are getting mobile and somethings are being done ...May god see them through this horrible time.

What a Friday....

Friday usually meets me in high spirits, but today something seems amiss...like someone sucked the Friday vibes right out of me, maybe its the fact that i have nothing planned for later except to probably go home and do my laundry...How lame am i? *sigh* and in case you are wondering i forgave my bf for cheating ...does that make me a weak person? I hope not...my logic is that everyone's human and destined to make mistakes, i keep breathing that into my head, i'm over the crying...looking at the road to recovery...sadly a tiny voice within me keeps humming once your trust is broken it can never be repaired....only time would tell how this goes...this post is kinda broken....feeling dark today....think I'll have some ice cream when i go home....something sweet always cheers me up :)

Gaga for GaGa

I love lady GaGa soo much, i get an orgasm everytime i hear her songs.... Every gay person i know loves her music, her style, her in your face attitude...she's the Cher of my generation :)...

Happy New year

Happy New Year!! Been so long since i put "pen to paper" here, i was thinking of deleting it, but I've poured out too much of my soul here to erase it all. Life had become a mish mash of different events and circumstances...good ones, bad ones, ones that make me feel unworthy , one that made me feel on top of the world....but i guess that's life, take the good, deal with the bad and love everything. Lets hope this year is an awesome one for everyone of us, may we be safe....